a day to count

i was humbled by the sheer laughters of the crowd as i walked around araneta. people, lights, noise, music. christmas must be near. yes, the chaos of the city- it has always made me feel that a day is not just adding up figures. people. laughing with friends, smiling at strangers, glimpsing at some inspiration. that's a day to count. i kept saying i'm bored. i considered taking another road. but the people. i am staying because i am happy. i am happy with the sheer madness with laughter, or with chatting with friends, with telling and listening to stories. this is my life. i realized. i love the crowd, the chaos, the people, the city. relating with people. being happy. at peace. in love. and again happy. a day to count. must always be a choice.

year long memories with trainees

early this year, they said i needed a book. might have. might have not.

the editor was my professor. i said to them no, not from her.
they insisted. i read. i thought twice. then i continued.
so they were really convinced it might help. might. might not.
it didn't really. i didn't need it. i read it though.
and i loved the artistry. the stories? the artistry. period.
i told them that. they were pleased.
then another said that i needed music. sure i said.
they gave me gin blossoms. they know my taste.
i don't know how they got a picture of me.
they pasted it beside the band.
i was touched. they were pleased.

to the "they" who worked with me within a year.
"they" became "us". and "ours" for the memories!
that made my year. my trainees.

let the day flow by

until you see me.

29 by jesse valenzuela

Time wont stand by forever if I know its true
And Ive learned not to say never
Or else Ill seem the fool
Twenty-nine youd think Id know better
Living like a kid
When my lies may seem less than clever
Is when I fall for it
Only time will tell if wishing wells
Can bring us anything
Or fade like scenes from childhood dreams
Forgotten memories
Some rides dont have much of a finish
Thats the ride I took
Through good and bad and straight through indifference
Without a second look
Theres no intentions worthy of mention
If we never try
So hang your hopes on rusted-out hinges
Take em for a ride
Only time will tell if wishing wells
Can bring us anything
Or fade like scenes from childhood dreams
Forgotten memories
Only time will tell...



photo from photos.almacrae.com/Paris/wishing_well.jpg
photo copyright © 2000 Andrew Leith Macrae

banausic

when the lights are out. nothingness.

as if nothing happened, like the day is a blink.

in daytime, i once again see things.

people, places, motions.

as if something is alive, like the night will never come.

life, i guess.

and then the lights are out again.

nothingness.

then day.

night.

goes around.

stuck

i want you to hold my hand and pull me out. let's walk, let's talk, let's see the world.
i want you to breathe so heavily and my lungs be filled. let's run, let's laugh.
but i'm stuck. i wish you'd know.

tribute to FG

flat cap, graceful strides, carefree face, and a smile when you pass by him. that must be FG. the professor known for his notorious all-or-nothing exams in biopsychology. when i was his student, i had all the guts to sit right in front of him, which turn out to be the most breath-taking experience i had inside a classroom. no one made me so proud being a psych major then but FG. he had consistently electrified our neurons to fire and fire while he did so neatly those well-drawn brainstem or indole ring or neurotransmitters. he was loved not only because he was a genius or an artist or an idealist or a realist. he was loved because he loved life and shared it with us, his students. we all love him. as for me, i will never forget him. whenever passivity or humdrum is around, i play the video tribute made by the psych department for him during the wake. i play it and i see once again and love life. i wish to be remembered exactly as how i remember FG.

i will never stop reading and remembering these lines he shared...

"Live with a high mean and low standard deviation."
"Genius is obsessive. Laziness is contrary to genius. Kung tinatamad ka, hindi mo kaya. Rationalization lang iyon."
"You read behind words. You think."
"When others are hesitant to take the first step, take it."
"When the resistance is very, very strong, then the will must be stronger."
"Mitochondria - they are like the Meralco of the cell."
"Namulaklak ang cerebral hemispheres ng tao kaya nagkaroon ng temporal lobes"
"Don't aspire for it. Earn it."
"Domestification of the human male is one of the greatest achievements of the human race."
"300 million sperm in one ejaculation. Talagang overkill, noh? Tapos isa lang makakarating doon."
"Intelligence allows us to inhabit any place on the earth."
"You have no right to destroy what you did not create." (regarding suicide)
"Philosophy is the unscientific study of the mind."
"The females inherit the earth. And the suffering thereof."
"Mathematics is simplification and contraction of notations"
"The μ is the most democratic measure because it gets from every value."
"Psychology is the greatest of all in CSSP. Mayroon bang Experimental Sociology, Experimental Economics, Experimental Philosophy? Only Psychology offers empirical evidences from experimental Psychology."
"I do not know many. I only know enough to teach my classes."
“You do not fall in love. You rise in love. That's how you love rationally...”
“Meanings we find are the meanings we make.”
“What you learn in UP is to go on and never give up. That if there be one person left standing, let it be me. Let Ateneo fall first before UP...”
"I wish I could write a poem that would be the song of my race. That would be the most beautiful song."
"Perfect correlation rarely exists in nature. It only exists in force."
“The last domesticated animal is the human male.”
“There is no predestination. Only a matter of probability or chance.”
“Just be observant. Divine comedy is always happening in our midst.”
"I still pursue my north star."
"My last love is Psychology. I was raped by Psychology."
“A rational man doesn’t extricate himself and blame it on the environment.”
“Even great men make mistakes…which may be great mistakes, too.” (After explaining Aristotle’s mistake regarding the brain’s mechanism for regulating temperature)
“I just come to class to tell stories, and when I remember, I teach.” (After realizing that he has strayed quite far from the topic)
“Thinkers are absent-minded because they focus on their thoughts.”
“Just like other professors (in UP), they (professors from other universities) just croak... ‘croak-croak-croak.’ ”
"Do not live long enough to be worthless."
“I’m not a wise man. I’m just a plain teacher, and I’m happy with that. My life is an anecdote. Just one big joke.”

"What's a measure of a man as a social being? The measure of a man is how many doors he has opened to other people, especially to those he doesn’t know, to those who refused to open the doors for themselves and to those who cannot open the door for themselves."

“Life is serious. Life is funny. Life is comical.”