when the clock strikes eleven, my life gets predictable. in front of a screen, attending to at least five open cyber windows, chatting with some friends, listening to and singing along (closed eyes and head-banging) with kelly clarkson's "walk away", while drinking a glass of milk, then, pausing from time to time trying to purge the ruins out of me in a blog. nothing occupies me for the past days except for some decaying ruins inside me. it's ineffable, so complicated, i'm completely blank! but there is a very long list of things i wish to do. oh, to finish my plays that i was writing for almost over five months already, to start the new one that is bombarding me lately, to read another lorca piece again, to memorize a good sonnet once more, to go to the beach and drink a godiva vodka under a blue moon, to make a short story for my father, and finally to have a whole day and night talking and talking and singing and singing and dancing and dancing with my friends. but for these past days, i want to spend it with my family before school pulls me out of the house again. sweet but at times boring, haha! i can't believe i'm so idle lately, totally carried away by the soporific days. i want to feel life again like there's no another day, but oh damn this humdrum! oh please, i need a problem, a crack in the pot, a crime, something to splash the water into my face.
...
i am alive at midnight. it's predictable but i am alive because i feel my heart beating with every click of this keyboard. life seems to pass me by, i know. but before i close my eyes, my zygomaticos major and orbicularis oculi contract well. a smile eternal. (Written Saturday, June 10, 2006)
